We've Only Just Begun

See Becks? I knew you were totally upset. I knew you were hurting. But in my haste to figure out the problem and try to make things better, I went and jumped to incorrect conclusions, even with the evidence I thought I had, and drove a wedge between us. And over what, that crappy Spaniard? Not worth it!

Don't take this the wrong way, but you are so 18! And you desperately need a boyfriend to take the edge off all these feelings. I can help you with that. But seriously; if you really, really want to try to make a go of it with Vidal, if he really means "that much" to you (and you SWEAR to me you're not targeting him as a Daddy figure because you just basically lost yours and you're looking for: comfort, guidance, direction, protection, fatherly love, discipline, whatever!) then I will help you attempt to get him.

If we're going to get him for you, we don't send you in blind with these lame strategies of sappy teenage devotion and weak attempts at bullying him. We need to do some major homework. Recognisance missions targeting everyone that has dealt with him to get every possible detail of his life, his former loves, how he operates, what he looks for in what types of relationships, what turns him on, what turns him off, etc. etc. Then, armed with the exact recipe you can go in confidently and seduce him like a grown up. Not grope at him awkwardly like a pre-pubescent teenager. Savvy?

Is that what you want? I think you'd have SO much more fun with a younger guy that wasn't so stuffy, religious, pious and totally self-centered. I can't even begin to imagine how boring this guy's sex life must be like... But I'll keep my mouth shut and just help you if you want help. Whatever you want. My promise to you, from the New and Improved Tina™

Now. Be a good girl and put that gun down. You'll blow a hole in your head and lose brains you just can't afford to lose. And then when I can see sky through the hole, I'll have to drop "Princess" and start calling you "Airhead".

::grin::